Don't talk about the weather

The deathly silence of the lift was horrible. As I stood there, painfully close to the lovely admin lady who was charged with showing me to my warm up room, I could only think of one thing to say:

“das Wetter gut ist, in Stuttgart es ist nicht gut”

Oh dear. That’s all I could think of, talking about the weather. What a terrible cliché! I basically just asked the taxi driver if he was busy…..

At least I spoke though, because one of the biggest barriers to settling here in Germany is the language and at times I feel like I’m on mute.

If only they knew

This feeling of being in ‘mute’ mode is frustrating. Particularly when you don’t want to sound stupid, don’t want to use the wrong word, or to mess up the grammer, it’s just easier not to say anything. In doing so, though, people don’t really get to know me, my true character. For all the chorus know, I am a quiet Englishman who can’t pronounce quick Russian but does a mean Cusack dance. Yet, if I was fluent in German I’d be Mr Chatty by now, talking about anything and everything (probably Football), having a joke and getting to know people.

I can do something about it, though, and I have made it my aim to have more and more detailed conversations in German each day. Most importantly,  not to worry about mistakes.

Here again

It was after deciding to have more German conversations that I arrived for my audition, yesterday afternoon. The lovely lady in the lift, having responded passionately to my weather statements by telling me how nice it was for the time of year, was the first recipient of my conversational goal. She was quickly followed by another administrator, who gave me a form to fill out, and then by the repetiteur who came to run through my arias with me. He turned out to be Irish so I reverted to using my mother tongue. These German conversations, though aimed at helping me learn the language, had the additional benefits of calming my nerves.

As I mentioned, I was here to do an audition. ‘Here’ was Hanover….. Yes, Hanover.

Those regular readers of my blog may remember that Hanover was the first place I ever auditioned at in Germany, in January 2013. It was an occasion I try to forget about and in preparation for this weeks audition I hoped to block it from my thoughts. This time was different though. Instead of coming as an unknown, new to the German system and lacking any German skills, I was here on merit. I had been invited back by the same people who heard me sing so badly 20 months earlier and whom I had rejected. I was coming up from Stuttgart, where I am actually in employment as a singer and I was confident enough to use what little German I have picked up over the last few weeks. I was also aware of my past, aware of what I have written in this blog about talking myself out of singing well and destroying my confidence, aware of the ‘journey’ I have been on to this point and how much happier a position I find myself in.

Supportive Stuttgart

In addition to these things, I was also very well prepared. Like any athlete, and yes, I believe singers should treat themselves like elite athletes, I had a pre-match routine sorted. In the days leading up to the audition I arranged a series of coachings and practise auditions which allowed me to arrive in Hanover confident that I was going to show my best.

The first of these pre-match training sessions was a coaching with John Graham Hall, the English tenor who is here in Stuttgart about to perform a fiendish role in Jakob Lenz by Wolfgang Rihm. I have got to know John over the last few weeks having shared one or two, or more, beers with him. In preparing for this audition, I knew full well that I would be singing some of the same arias I have sung at auditions for the last 18 months and the last thing I wanted them to do was to sound stale. The work I did with John was ideal, we worked in detail on text, on telling the story and really portraying the characters through each aria. He was also very honest with me. In true tenor fashion, or maybe it’s just me,  I had brought the Italian Tenor’s aria from Rosenkavalier ‘Di Rigori’ with me as a show off aria. I am not a showing off sort of person but I can sing this aria and it will be good for me in the future. At the moment it is too new, not totally in my voice and a dangerous choice for an audition. John told me exactly that. ‘Don’t do it unless you could walk out at the MET and sing it’ is what he said. Good point and exactly what I needed to be told. He also told me to be confident, almost arrogantly confident, about what I was singing. To look at the panel and show them that I know exactly what I am doing, I can do it very well and they better take notice.

The other main pre-match session I arranged was a mock audition to two of the three casting decision makers here in Stuttgart, Bettina and Veronique. Doubling up as a chance for them to hear me sing a few arias for the first time since March, it was a great opportunity to get immediate feedback from people who sit on panels all the time and who have first hand experience of the sort of audition I was about to do.  Sure enough, their feedback was extremely helpful. They were positive and constructive in their points and I left the session feeling very lucky that I am working in such a supportive opera house.

By the time I got to Hanover, following a 4 ½ train journey, I was very much in the right audition zone. I sang them Belmonte - Mozart and they asked for Duca - Verdi, exactly the same arias I had been asked to sing the day before to Bettina and Veronique. The audition was on the main stage and for once I almost enjoyed myself, even hoping that they might ask for a third aria and being so relaxed as to make a joke with the repetiteur as I walked onto the stage.

My relaxed persona spilled out into the waiting area too. The five other singers, happily waiting there in silence, probably didn’t expect to have to deal with a chatty Englishman, asking questions every two seconds, talking about the weather, travel, singing, football and Indian food. So much were they surprised by this that there was a comedy moment, as the panel left the theatre and walked through us. There I was, mid-story about singing one night in a restaurant, and I turned to see the Bass awkwardly grinning at me and then running down the stairs.

What else

Aside from the audition, the daily routine of the opera house continues. The numerous rehearsals for the big Mussorgsky opera, with and without the chorus, have been enjoyable. Following my lessons last week I have started to ask more questions and to challenge decisions made about my character. Particularly when I have a few key scenes to establish who I am, it is extremely important to the arch of the piece as a whole that I am confident of my characters thoughts, feelings and motivation.

I have performed two more nights as Kilian in Der Freischutz and was delighted to have my opera studio colleague go on as Ännchen as the soprano she was covering was unwell. This was a fantastic opportunity for her and one she grabbed with confidence. I only hope I would react in a similar way and rise to such a challenge if it was presented to me.

The same soprano, Josefin Feiler, and I have found a joint love for table tennis and have started to play in the crews tisch tennis room, in the basement of the opera house. So regular are our games that various members of the crew have begun to challenge us to matches. More about that another day.

Must try harder

I am yet to be totally used to the daily routine here, with some rehearsals starting at 10 and some at 1830, often with a 5 hour space in the middle of the day.

If I am totally honest, which I try to be, I need to work harder at eating well and exercising regularly. There is always an excuse so I’ll start that on Monday, or maybe the 1^st of November….. or after Christmas. No! I need to bite the bullet and just do it.

I am looking forward to spending the next few days with my wife, who visits during her school half term (she is a teacher, not a student), and then preparing for a big celebration concert here in Stuttgart on the 2^nd with all the Opera Studio members from the past five years.

In the meantime, I hope you all have a wonderful week.

Tom