With just over two weeks left in Stuttgart and all 44 of my
performances a distant memory, with no more production rehearsals, a clear blue
sky and a glistening sun, I was looking
forward to a relaxed week. A week whose
highlight was to be a first trip to Salzburg, birth place of dear Mr Mozart, for
an audition. A week in which I would watch a few operas, do some ‘sports’ (the
German term for what I would call exercise) and try to resist the urge to pack
up all my things and wait patiently by the door, ready to finally return home.
Well….
It didn’t turn out like that.
The CALL
It was on Monday morning when, very slightly hungover and
extremely tired from the Rigoletto premiere party which I had left sometime
after midnight, I woke to a missed call from the Opera house and a text from
the head of the Opera Studio. This text simply read:
‘Good
morning Thomas. Tenor in Cosi cancelled for tomorrow. Please call me back.’
I knew what this meant. I was to be going on as Ferrando in
Cosi Fan Tutte…. In Stuttgart…. In a proper Opera house with 1500 people
watching…. In 30 hours time….. Awesome!
The calmness and clinical nature of the text sent shivers
through my bones. I probably shouldn’t write what I initially thought, it was
something along the lines of the opening scene from Four Weddings and a
Funeral, but I was filled with a sense of excitement, happiness, but also debilitating
fear and a genuine sense that I wasn’t sure if I could do what was being asked
of me.
The fact of the matter is that the sum of the 44
performances I have performed this season, if I had a recording of every line I
have sung on this stage so far, would not extend to the amount of singing
Ferrando does in ONE show. Of course I
have sung a lot of it in rehearsals, the role is very well prepared, but it has
been almost a month since the premiere and if truth be told, I was pretty much
expecting Monday to be feel like a holiday.
Action
I got out of bed, drank some water, ate an apple and did
some stretches and humming so as to try and make my spoken voice not sound like
I had only just woken up. I called Frau Giese, our head of the
Opera studio.
‘Have
you only just woken up’
She asked. Fat lot of good those stretches were….
‘Not
quite’
I replied.
The rest of the conversation was pretty simple. The tenor
has cancelled, they would like to ask me to perform as Ferrando, what do I need
to do today to prepare myself? Have I any questions?
Obviously I said I would jump at the chance. I said that a
run through of each scene with the assistant director and a pianist would be
ideal – I also said that I didn’t want to have anything on on the Tuesday itself,
apart from the show of course.
Shortly after our conversation a whole new schedule arrived
from the KBB, the artistic administrative hub:
1230 – Costume fitting
13 to 1730 – rehearsal with Pianist and assistant director
to run all scenes.
1730 to 1830 – musical rehearsal with Sylvain Cambreling
(the conductor)
6 hours of Cosi, coincidentally about the amount of sleep I
had got that night, and a costume fitting – ouch.
I had a quick shower, breakfast, got my things together –
score, extensive notes on the rehearsals and lots of water – and sat, for a
moment, on my makeshift sofa.
Realisation
As any of you that will have read my blog before will know,
I am an ambitious singer. I really really really really (really) want to make
it in this crazy career. I want to be singing the best roles in the best opera
houses with the best singers and in front of as many people as I can.
Stuttgart has been a big thing for me. The despair and
resulting depression of losing my voice for 4 months in the summer of 2013
(read the first blog post for more on this) knocked me almost completely off
course. I was one successful job interview away from giving it all up. From
being someone who has studied for four years at music college, having spent
every penny I had in the hope of a career as an Opera singer, only to fall at
the first hurdle.
And yet here I am, two years later, being given the
opportunity to sing a lead role in Mozart’s Cosi Fan Tutte at a major European opera
house.
As I sat there, alone in my room, I couldn’t quite believe
this chance had arrived. The fear and sense of potential failure subsided, with
a complete calm taking over instead. And,
fully in the knowledge that this will sound painfully cheesy and clichéd, this
was my moment. This was my chance to shake off the shackles of small role
frustrations and put all the hard work into practise.
Preparation
Up I got from the sofa, and off to the Opera house I walked.
A spring in my step.
After a quick stop in the shops to buy many bottles of water
and some student mix (nuts and raisins and stuff) I dropped in on Frau Giese,
to be told that I was probably performing on Friday too and that it was
important that I got everything I needed from the days rehearsal.
I warmed up, got costume fitted, and then the rehearsal. The
room found for said rehearsal was the Orchestra rehearsal room, a sports hall
like space in which I have done many auditions and with whom I have an odd
relationship. The acoustic feels horrible for the singer but I always think
people sound good when I hear them through the door. I was a bit worried that
rehearsing in there for four hours would tire my voice out and the last thing I
needed to do was feel vocally tired BEFORE the show had even begun.
This particular production of Cosi has more difficulties
than your normal Cosi, not least because we are on stage for almost every
second. Ferrando goes off stage for
about 30 seconds, twenty minutes into the first Act, and that is it. As a ‘jump
in’ that means there is no moment during the show when I can be reminded of the
next scene, instead it is a challenge of remembering 90 minutes of
words/actions/reactions. It is also a challenge of finding moments, whilst one
is on the stage, to conserve energy, prepare for big upcoming scenes but yet
not look like you have turned off.
For me, the long
rehearsal was about making sure I knew the map of the night, making sure that I
knew I went from a to b to c, always at the right time. I know the piece well, therefore
my acting through the piece would be honest and true to the text, whether I
remembered the exact nature of the ‘original’ reactions or not. It would be
easier on the night anyway because I wouldn’t be on my own on stage, guessing
where the other singers are as, unlike in this rehearsal which was just me, the
assistant director and the pianist.
For our assistant director, the rehearsal was an opportunity
to cram as much detail in as possible. Tell as much as possible and hope that
some of it sticks in my mind the follow night.
The rehearsal was fine. I got increasingly tense as it went
on and started to forget words. The room was hot and airless so I tried to
escape it as often as I could. But it was fine.
The musical rehearsal that followed was an opportunity to
sing every note through with the conductor, to test again my memory and to
reassure all of us that I could sing it. It was also fine.
Relaxation
The most important thing after this epic afternoon of
intense rehearsals was that I tried to turn off, tried not to think about the
show and relaxed. Don’t think about Cosi/Ferrando I told myself. ALL I could
think about was Cosi and Ferrando. It was going to be a long 24 hours before
the show itself!!
As with much of the rest of Europe, Stuttgart is having a
bit of a heat wave at the moment. The temperature on Monday was nearing 35
degrees C and my top floor flat had
started to become somewhat unbearable to be in. I decided, therefore, that I
should book myself into a nice, air-conditioned hotel room for the night,
somewhere I would be able to sleep a bit better.
This was a great move and I ended up sleeping much better
than I would have done in my own place. It meant I woke up on Tuesday morning
feeling refreshed and ready.
A routine day
The hours leading up to the show are a bit of a blur really.
I walked around Stuttgart a bit, sat in my air-conditioned hotel room for as
long as I could, grabbed some food and generally tried to stay calm.
I spoke briefly with Frau Giese and just said that I had one
request for the day. This was that no one treated me any differently and that
everyone treated this just like any other show. The last thing I wanted to
happen was to be reminded of my upcoming challenge every time I saw someone in
the opera house. Obviously I am happy for supportive comments but it would have
been fine with me if I could have disappeared until 10 minutes before the curtain
came up and just got on with it.
With this in mind, I tried to repeat the routine I have
established through the other 44 performances this season. I turned up about 90
minutes before the show, dropped my things off in my dressing room and then
went to warm up, starting with a physical warm up and then slowly getting the
voice going. At 6 was my make-up call, nothing major on this occasion, and by
6.05 I was up on the 2nd floor visiting my bathroom of choice. Funny
old thing, routine. Somehow it has become second nature for me to leave the
dressing room, turn right, take the lift up to the 2nd floor to use
the same bathrooms I always use, then return to the dressing room via the
staircase.
At 630 I met once more with the assistant director and we
walked around the set – and that was that.
The show
As with so many pieces I have sung (The Magic Flute,
Messiah, John Passion, Matthew Passion, L’Elisir D’Amore, Freischutz AND
Khovanshchina) – the tenor sings the first solo line of the evening. In Cosi,
the opening is a long trio section with the three men and I bulldozed my way
through it, the adrenalin of the occasion getting the better of me and so quickly
I realised I was getting tired.
It was extremely hot on stage and sweat my streaming down my
face.
By the time we reached Ferrando’s aria, about an hour
through, I was mildly dehydrated, very hot, and vocally more tired than I would
have hoped. I wasn’t sure if I could sing the aria in fact. This is an aria I
have sung hundreds of time, but I stood there, down stage right, trying to convince
myself that it was all ok but also thinking there was little chance of me
getting through to the end of the night at this rate.
Interval slap
The first half came to an end and I rushed to my dressing
room, downed as much water as possible and wiped my face. I needed to put
myself together, but the first thing to do was a rehearsal for the long recit. Section
in Act 2.
Off I rushed into the piano room and greeted the pianist
with the stupid searching question:
‘hows it going?’
Of course, I knew how I felt it was going, and in truth I
just needed someone to say it was sounding good. On this occasion the pianist
chose to tell me that it was ‘ok’ but I needed to sing out more, and some of
the phrasing was a bit off. Bang! Why did I want to hear that? It felt like a
slap around the face. It felt like they had just told me it was terrible……
I reacted softly, thanked them for telling me that and
returned to my dressing room potentially in a bit of a state.
Thankfully, experiences over the last few years and my
complete trust in my singing teacher helped me out big time. After another
routine pit stop I once again ‘warmed up’. Strange thing to be doing having
sung for the last two hours you may think, but I really needed to. I needed to
reset everything, de-stress the voice and set it up nicely for the rest of the
show. I stretched some more, did some exercises introduced to me by my speech
therapist back in 2013, some light vocal work and caressed the voice back into
a happy place.
I also gave myself a serious chat. Act one was now over, the
excitement and nerves of performing a big role here in Stuttgart can be
forgotten now, time to go and enjoy Act 2 – just like any other performance.
The better act
Sure enough, Act 2 was much better. The work I had done in
the interval was a huge help and I slid through the act with more confidence.
There were, of
course, challenges. The act 2 recit and aria for Ferrando is not a walk in the
park, nor is the duet or the finale – but I felt much happier and I came to the
end of the night genuinely happy
with a performance and, for once, satisfied
that I was worthy of some applause.
Reaction
I wasn’t exactly sure how I would react after the show. This
was a momentous occasion for me, a day I will always remember and one that I
will mark as the first as a proper Opera singer. But once again, I just felt
calm, happy with a job well done, and calmly content.
I guess I have never been one to jump up and down with
excitement about things (apart from at the football). Maybe after tonight I
will react with more energy, maybe not.
Bigger – and easier
Singers and actors often say that small roles are the
hardest to pull off. It may seem an odd thing to say about such a challenging
role as Ferrando, but in some ways it was the easiest role I have performed all
year.
I have known Cosi since I first sang it, in English, in a
church in Cambridge in January 2009. Ferrando is a character I have thought a
lot about, discussed, developed and so on.
As I have said, Ferrando sings most of the evening. Unlike
Offizier in Ariadne, with his one line, or Abdallo in Nabucco. With these small
characters there is a pressure to make a statement with the few words you have,
there is no chance to warm into the character and character development you
might try and develop can feel impossible.
For Ferrando one is given the space of three and a half
hours to develop the character, to really experience an arc. One can also pace
things, vocally and dramatically, instead of feeling that you should be giving
everything possible in your one moment.
In many ways, Ferrando is easier – I will try to remember
that tonight for my 2nd performance!
Lucky coincidences
Someone once wrote that Good Luck is what happens when good
preparation meets opportunity.
As you will have gathered by this point in the blog, this is
a momentous week for me. And also a lucky week. I was fortunate enough to be in
the right place at the right time to jump in as Ferrando. It is often funny how things line up in life
and I have noticed a lot of lucky coincidences this week, linked to my singing
this role.
Only on Saturday morning was I listening to the great Fritz
Wunderlich singing Mozart. The great Fritz Wunderlich who was in the ensemble
in Stuttgart and who was one of THE Mozart tenors. The great Fritz Wunderlich
whose picture hangs in the dressing rooms in Stuttgart and which I borrowed
before the show on Tuesday.
On Wednesday I went to Salzburg for the first time for an
audition booked some weeks ago. How funny that I should debut as Ferrando in
Mozart’s Cosi Fan Tutte on Tuesday night and on Wednesday lean against Herr
Mozart’s place of birth for the first time. I am an unashamed Mozart lover,
thankfully since its where my voice sits best. This was another great day.
My teacher for so long was Ryland Davies, Ferrando was a
role that made him huge success. My recording of Cosi is with him and Solti. It
seems right that Ferrando should be my first major role.
This week, coincidentally, marks 10 years exactly since I
was part of the vocal group, Voces8’s, first ever performances in a competition
in Italy. Ten years, almost to the day, since I started seriously considering
having singing as my career.
Another little coincidence is non-musical. 22 years ago,
Adidas released the Adidas Predator, a football boot I have been mildly
obsessed with ever since. 22 years ago was also when I first started as a
choirboy at St. Paul’s Cathedral, the start of a journey that ultimately leads
to me being here. On Tuesday this week was the last day that Adidas made the
Predator ever – ever ever – no more Adidas Predator and in fact on Wednesday they
relaunched themselves with two brand new Football boots. How funny that I
should wake up on Wednesday feeling like I have entered a new phase in my
career, the same day that Adidas should be doing the same.
What else – what next
As I mentioned, I had an audition in Salzburg on Wednesday for
a Mozart opera next season elsewhere in Austria. Inevitably I was tired from
the night before and the four hour train journey, but it was ok. I met a lovely american couple on the train back and tried very hard to sell Opera to them, hopefully there are two converts there!
It was lovely to bump into two fellow Royal Academy of Music
alumni at these auditions, what a small world we live it, and it was Roberto
Ortiz, also a former Stuttgart Opera Studio member, who took the picture of me
infront of Mozarts birth place.
Last Sunday was the opening of Rigoletto, the last premiere
of the season. I cover a small role in this and the opening night was a huge
success.
The rest of the week is a bit of a blur, and tonight I sing
Ferrando again….
Supportive
I finish this week with some thanks. Thanks to all in
Stuttgart who trusted that I could do Ferrando,
that worked with me in
rehearsals and coachings. To Bettina Giese in particular for believing that I
would do a good job and for always being available to discuss aspects of each
role and being a singer. To the management in Stuttgart for taking a punt on me
back in March 2014 as a member of the opera studio.
Thanks to the extremely supportive colleagues who I shared a
stage with, who pushed and pulled me into the right place and welcomed me in a
hugely positive and supportive manner.
Thanks to all of my friends around the world, those of you
who suffer my social media onslaught and send good wishes to me over here in
Germany.
Thanks to my supporters, particularly those who have given
financial support to enable me to be in Stuttgart.
Huge thanks to my trusted teachers and coaches. Audrey,
Gary, Johnny, Jonathan, Ryland.
And of course thanks to my close friends and family for
their love and support. To Mrs Elwin for her amazing love and support and who suffers having to be married to an
Opera singer, to my parents in law who support me as their own son, and of
course to my family.
I am extremely happy to say that my parents will make it
over to Stuttgart to see the show tonight.
Well…. that was longer than expected….. I’ll be back to form
next week with a much shorter account of an uneventful time no doubt.
Thank you for reading.
Enjoy the sunshine!
Tom
